apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
