If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
