Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
