Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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