Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
