They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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