we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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