I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Randomize
