im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
