omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
