She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
