i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
