Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize