Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

(1-920): View more from Wisconsin

no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

(920): View more from Wisconsin

he wasn't. neither were you.

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(618): View more from Illinois

i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...

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(937): View more from Ohio

talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him

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(516): View more from New York

its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.

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