I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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