in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
