I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
