So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
