Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
