I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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