UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
