i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
