i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
