I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
is this the sara with the beer cane?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
