i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think people are normalizing furries
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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