I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
