it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am naked and annoyed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
