My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The ass gains better be worth it
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