were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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