Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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