mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
