It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
