im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
