Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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