you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
