I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
