Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
