"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
