Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
