I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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