You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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