So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
