Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
