That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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