i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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