You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
