Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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