Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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