there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
