I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
