Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
