lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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