You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
