Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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