You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
