The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
