why didn't you poke me back
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
