She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
