In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
