You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
