Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
