If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You did what with his pubic hair?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
