can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sober January is a disaster.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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