SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
