I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
