just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
