bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
