Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
