We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
