They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
