How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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