My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
