New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
