Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me