i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
my poor anus
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.