when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.