you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.