if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.